You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
