I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
