I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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