so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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