I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
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