I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
We are two peas in an std pod
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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