"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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