if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
