Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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