nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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