i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
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