Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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