Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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