I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
