I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize