My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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