well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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