Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
