All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
