remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize