Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I am mentally ready for anal.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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