They should really pass out barf bags in church
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
