I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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