Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
cat food counts as protein by the way
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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