she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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