either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Randomize
