I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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