youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
