Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
