i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
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I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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