she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
i think my cat just said my name.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
