If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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