to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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