When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
