Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
