Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
