so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
