We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
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