i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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