dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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