the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
