So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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