I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
