WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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