You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
All the doctor said was why
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
