I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Send help, water and tortillas.
3 2 1 whiskey
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
