also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
