it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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