Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
