Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I still have a little drunk in my system
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
