I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
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I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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