What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
