I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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