I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
