My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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