I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
