Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
