Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Is Oprah even human
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
