is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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