The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
