brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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