My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
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i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
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On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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