Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
