never play flip cup with pint glasses
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
