At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
